It's Everyone's Lucky Day!

First things first, Congrats to Megan, the winner of the Luxe Link! Please email me your address and I will see about getting that to you!

Second, it was also MY lucky day. Because 1. It was an Ice Day at work and 2. I got a Snuggie!

And just like the box promised, I immediately began to live the Snuggie lifestyle.

I enjoyed all of my favorite television programs so much more:

My warm cocoa was that much creamier:

In case you were wondering, the mug says "You can't spell trivial without TLR," TLR meaning Texas Law Review, which my nerd ass husband was on, with his above 4.0 GPA.

And don't forget my free book light, which I used to enjoy a book written by my gross crush, Anthony Bourdain:

But this whole thing begs the question, if owning a Snuggie means immediate living of the Snuggie Lifestyle, is it really true that once you contract herpes and get on Valtrex, you immediately become one of an incredibly outdoorsy couple who loves biking, hiking, and water sports?


While you people ponder that, I gotta go. Mr. A can't keep his hands off me ever since he saw me in my Snuggie:

This one time. I met Morgan Freeman.

This is a bit of a train of thought post, so bear with me.....

I've recently seen the phrase "Bargain Tourette's*" tossed around on the internet. It is a fantastic phrase to describe a phenomenon many of you have fallen prey to. That need to share just how cheap what you are wearing was.

"I love your dress!," someone says.

To which you reply, "Thanks! I got it at Old Navy for $7.99. In three colors! With free shipping!"

Nobody asked you how much you paid, or what colors you bought the dress in, or even where you bought the dress. But you cannot be stopped. The words thoughtlessly fall out of your mouth before you've even realized what you were saying. Sometimes, it's appreciated by the other party. But other times? It's just embarrassing.

It's okay. We all do it.

But I think I have a Bargain Tourette's tale that will top any of your Bargain Tourette's tales.

Before we get to that, however, I must fill you in a little bit about how my brain works. You see, when I hear the phrase "top that" or something similar as in the sentence above, what immediately pops into my head is this scene from the cinematic triumph, Teen Witch (the good stuff starts around 0:35):

This little vignette has apparently resurged in popularity thanks to Kenneth on 30 Rock (an episode I apparently missed), but I'll have you know that my dear friend Matt has been obsessed with that rap for years. Years!

But anyway. My Bargain Tourette's Tale.

In circumstances I shall not explain, I found myself meeting Academy Award Winner Morgan Freeman. This would have been an otherwise exciting event, but unfortunately for me, I was in a particularly stressful ongoing situation at the time I ran into him (which, I quite literally ran into Morgan Freeman).

A person that I knew at the time was talking to Morgan Freeman, and he introduced me.

Person: Slynnro! This is Morgan Freeman.

Slynnro: OH! You're Morgan Freeman! (smooth)

Morgan Freeman: Hello. I like your earrings.

(Henceforth, any time I see Morgan Freeman on television or in a magazine, in a movie, I declare "That guy likes my earrings!")

Slynnro: Oh thanks! THEY'RE FROM TARGET.

Yes, I told Academy Award Winning Actor Morgan Freeman that my earrings were from Target. So any time you feel awkward about your own Bargain Tourette's declaration you can say to yourself, "Hey, at least I wasn't talking to Morgan Freeman."

Try and top that.

*I wish it was I who came up with this term, but sadly, I did not. And I'm not sure who to give credit to.

Luxe Link Giveaway!

What am I giving away?

A Luxe Link Purse Hook! This an inventive tool to keep your purse off all the floor in restaurants, bars and coffee shops by hanging it right on the table.

Why do you want one?

Because you love your handbags! Plus, they are super chic (and check out the cute prints!) It also makes a fabulous Valentine’s Day or birthday gift for your girlfriends! The Luxe Link is small enough to tote with you in your bag, and will hold a bag weighing up to 9 lbs. As a girl who loves her Marc Jacobs and hates sticky, dirty floors, this is something I simply must have.

What do you have to do to win?

Just leave a comment on this post! You can also check out DailyGrommet.com, If you subscribe to the Daily Grommet daily email, you increase your chances of winning because the folks at Daily Grommet are also giving away a Luxe Link Purse Hook to one lucky Daily Grommet email subscriber on January 26^th. And if you share this with a friend using the Share link on DailyGrommet.com, and they subscribe to the email, you get another contest entry and so do they! I will pick my winner on Wednesday using an Random Number Generator.

What is the Daily Grommet?

A great site that features, and tells the story of, a new product every day. As such, the Luxe Link is only on sale at DailyGrommet.com for 24 hours – so if you’d like to get one as a gift or ensure that you have one for yourself, don’t wait to see if you’ve won and purchase one today.

Full Disclosure

For hosting this giveaway, I will get a free Luxe Link of my own. But I will say I've been coveting one since Mr. A first saw one at a wedding he went to without me. I know, it's a bit shocking that Mr. A had to fill me in on this new age purse holding technology.

At laaaaaaaaaaasssstttt.

Scene: Today, at the gym on the treadmills

Guy Next to Slynnro: GRUNT GRUNT GRUNT

Slynnro: (Snort, giggle)

Guy Next to Slynnro: COME ON! YOU CAN DO THIS! DON'T QUIT NOW!

Slynnro: (Looks at guy's treadmill, see he is running at 6.1 pace. Puh-leeze).

Guy Next to Slynnro: COME ON! KEEP IT UP!

Slynnro: (Frantically looking around for that friend she's been searching for for so very long).

Guy on Other Side of Slynnro: (Smiles and laughs)

And now, I can die in peace.

You are ON NOTICE.

Two people have really pissed me off today.

First person- one of the other dentists in my dental practice.

Because God thinks Mr. A and I have too much money, I need a dental implant due to a botched root canal. The dentist came in and explained the procedure to me after I got my teeth cleaned today (despite my previous uh....laxness about my dental care, my hygienist said I had hardly any plaque- go me!). This procedure is going to cost over $3000 and it is (YAY!) not covered by insurance! When he told me this, I said "Oh my husband is going to be so excited to hear that we are spending even more on my teeth!" To which dentist replied, "Well, if you need to have your husband sign off on this procedure, he can call me and I can explain the procedure to him. If you need permission...." To which I replied, "You've got be fucking kidding me, you 1950s douchebag."

Okay, I only said that with my eyes.

The dentist seemed to sense my rage, so he said, "Well, I mean...I can explain it to him so he can understand why it's necessary."

This didn't really help matters. Honestly? I am fucking 28 years old. I am a lawyer. I think I can explain why I don't want my jawbone to deteriorate all by myself.

Second Person- My upstairs neighbor.

First, I have a history with this guy. He STOMP STOMP STOMPS constantly. At all hours. Continuously. I know living in an apartment with hardwood floors, you have to expect some noises from up above. But this guy is CONSTANTLY moving. Like, all the time. I don't get it- when I am at home, I am mostly sitting on my ass save for the 20 minutes each night when I hang with Jillian Michaels. But not this guy. STOMP STOMP STOMP. One night, he was STOMP STOMP STOMPING for five or six hours. Almost non-stop. Finally, at 2:00 a.m. I went upstairs. And I was angry. And I yelled at him. (Yes, I know, as a woman this was not a wise move.) And he told me I needed to get myself together before I came to talk to him. Which was SO not the right thing to say to me. Especially coming from the person who was the reason I didn't "have myself together." A few days later, while I was out of town, he brought over a bottle of wine. Which Mr. A thanked him for. Um yeah, if I had been there, I would have been all "dude, I don't want your wine- I want you to shut up and quit your damn stomping." Because really, this is such a Attempt to Buy my Silence Gift. And yes, I am that big of a bitch thank you. But I'm so right.

In my apartment complex, everyone has little balconies that are of a similar construction to a fire escape. They are made entirely of metal- large enough to fit a small table and two chairs on. I don't ever go out on mine because I feel like it's going to fall off the side of the building. You can access the balcony through a very large, heavy door coming out of the living room. My neighbor has taken to leaving the door open, which means it SLAM SLAM SLAMS into the metal balcony railing. Over and over and over again. And it is loud. Like, scary loud. Huge BOOMS! BOOM BOOM BOOM! And it is constant. Once every 30 seconds or so as the wind throws the door around.

Quite frankly, this is such a stupid and ridiculously rude thing to do, that I don't feel the need to politely ask him to quit. But I sort of did, the first time. I yelled up at his balcony "Please stop leaving the door open. It is very noisy!" And he closed it. But then kept doing it. Several times a week. Today, it was extra windy and I had had enough. So I went and tattled on him to our complex. At about 5:45, which means he knew they were leaving at 6:00. So of course, he didn't close the door. The BOOM BOOM BOOMS got so loud that I am quite convinced that he was actually throwing the door into the balcony railing. Fortunately for this guy, Mr. A showed up home early this evening, or he would have been in for either a visit from me, or the cops (which buddy, I know all the cops in this 'hood. And they like me.) or both. I guess this is the litigator in me, but I have become a serious Don't Take No Shit From Nobody person. And Mr. A is a bit scared of me to tell the truth. Of course, he didn't answer the door when I sent Mr. A up there. Because he is a giant asshole. It will be exciting to see what happens tomorrow. Because I will call the police. And maybe my rage will get me my own episode of Cops! A girl can dream!

So happy Friday yo!

Lastly, I'm soliciting new questions for Ms. Sassy Kay. Ask away! They don't even have to be real problems! Get creative peeps! (Previous WWSKD entries here and here).

Someone to watch over me. And occasionally, irritate the hell out of me too.

God, I love them.

99.9% of the time, I love my husband very much. Of course, sometimes, I sort of want to hit him over the head with a giant serving bowl....right before I show him where it goes in the dishwasher:


When I have to leave town for whatever reason (these days that generally means driving to Oklahoma to see one person or another), Aaron becomes unbearably adorable. It seems that Aaron always has some errand to run right as I am about to leave (go get porn?) , so he gets ready and he waits. And waits. And waits. And finally I tell him he can leave. He will ask when I am going to leave. And then, grudgingly, he will leave. And sometimes, like on Monday afternoon, he left. Then came back. To give me a hug.

So yeah, he's pretty cute.

Not that he is the only one or anything. Every night when he gets home (because I have gotten home after him like twice ever), I run to the door and yell "You're here! You're here! It's really you!"

I might not do that every night for the rest of my life, and Aaron might not do that every time I leave for all of our lives either. But I sure hope we remain hopelessly mushy in some form or fashion.

So what are your mushy traditions/behaviors? What are your "are we really discussing that again" fight topics?

Because sometimes you have to travel to another state to find friends with similar belief systems. And you find it is worth the drive.

Susan: Can one of you open the champagne for the mimosas?

Me: I'm afraid. I've never opened champagne before.

Heather: Neither have I.

Me: You know, I think if any of us can figure it out, it's probably you.

Heather: Why? Because I'm an alcoholic.

Me: No, because you drink more than the rest of us.

Heather: I appreciate the way you put that. That was nice.

Ultimately, Susan did the deed:

and we enjoyed the fruit of her labors:



And then there was that time we were interviewed by the local news (video starts at 4:50).

We Have a Winner!

In an landslide victory, Susannah has taken the Worst Holiday Gift crown! I basically knew the Astroglide tale would win, but I didn't expect it to be such a decisive victory. So congrats to you, Susannah! Please email me your address and which prize you have selected!

Tomorrow, I'm off to Oklahoma to party up with some (please read Susan's post, as her party supports a good cause) friends and celebrate the inauguration of the 44th president (another landslide victory). I will proudly be wearing this shirt:

If you'd like your own, go here.

Unrelated, but since I love to bring you wacky As Seen on TV products, I bring you Flirty Girl Fitness:

See ya on Wednesday!

Better Late Than Never.

Thanks for all of you who delurked! I can't wait to check you all out. And feel free to keep delurking! I love hearing from you!

Okay, people. First of all....the entries to this? Were fucking amazing. I mean, I laughed when I read them as the comment emails poured in, but when I sat down with a print out and read them all once? My stomach was sore from laughing. You people all have some truly horrible gift givers/poor behavers in your family. And I love you for it.

So, before we get to the two finalists, let's have some honorable mentions shall we (the links take you directly to their comment for your reading pleasure)?

First we have Chris, whose in-laws took vouchers for a flight to visit them over Christmas and used them TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. Although, honestly, is that really a bad break, Chris? Think about it.

I also rather enjoyed Kat's mom's giant caboodle. Because who hasn't been on the receiving end of a much hyped gift only to receive CRAP.

One of my favorite stories was Laura's family, and the Christmas vacation on which they invited, but refused to pay for her fiancee. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?

One of the sadder tales was Jess' story of how her grandmother ruined her mother's Christmas by allowing her baby sister to open all of her presents while her mother (who bought them) was sleeping. I would so never get over that one.

Kara's tale of receiving baby gifts for a non-existent baby also hit close to home, as someone who is WAY UNSURE that she will ever reproduce.

I was completely icked out by Valerie's tale of the gift of a used, dilapidated breast pump for a baby shower.

I really loved Green is the New Dots' fairy (complete with photo) and the following explanation.

And of course, Metalia's tale of the Hannukah dinner gone horribly wrong.

And lastly, my second runner up, Michelle's parents telling her about how they were playing "Jingle my Bells" before their holiday, and the subsequent injury.

AND NOW FOR THE NOMINEES:

Mr. A's Selection, from Sussanah, which was also one of my finalists and a fan favorite:

The Worst Gift I Ever Received,
by Susannah Clay M., Scrooge at Large

One year Santa gave me a bottle of Astroglide in my stocking. Only it wasn't really Santa, it was my mother and while I was 20 and therefore a good guess on her part that I was having sex, still. Astroglide from my mother. And the worst part was she gave some to my brother, too. It was the year my mom and dad got a divorce and my brother and I just sat there in my mom's newly rented studio apartment in our pajamas while she told us how great it was, stunned.

Astroglide. To top it all off--that shit is WAAAY too sticky.

And my selection, from PomJob:

I think the most ridiculous behavior in recent years happened last year. My entire family was felled by a stomach bug and when we finally had a chance to celebrate Christmas, my sister invited my parents' employee (with whom she may have been having an affair) and his wife and child to watch us open gifts. When we objected and asked her to ask them to leave, she yelled at us for making them feel uncomfortable, created a huge scene and threw a crying fit. And then she sped away in her car and we half-heartedly opened gifts without her. Mind you, this was her son's first Christmas.

So there you have peeps! Get to voting! I will close the voting on Friday!

SHOW YOURSELF!

So, it is Delurking Day. I'm a little late to the game, but I think we can all agree that the video post needed to be up all day for the enjoyment of the masses. But now that that is out of the way, I'm asking you to DELURK! I know there are many of you who are silent (yes, I check my stats. I KNOW I AM SO VAIN). Now's the time! Make yourself known! I'd love to come check you out too!

What I'd really like to know is how you found me. Who directed you here? I NEED TO KNOW!

This is a test.

The picks from the contest will be up TOMORROW. I swear. I have it narrowed down to 10. Your stories were that good!

I hate my gym. I hate it a lot. There are so many things I hate about it. I hate the fact that they accuse me of having insufficient funds to pay my monthly membership fees (dudes, I so haven't had an insufficient funds in like 5 years! Having a job has it's benefits!). I don't like being told by a gym employee that if I can't afford to use a business I should stop going there. I don't like having my car broken into. I don't like knowing that several other people I know have had their car broken into at the gym as well. I don't like having my wallet stolen.

And I really don't like most of the people at my gym. I live in a young yuppie neighborhood, populated with young professionals and college students. There are a lot of single people at my gym, and in the evenings it definitely has a bit of a meat market-y feel. I am able to avoid that by going in the mornings before work (of course, that entails getting up at 4:45- small price to pay if you ask me). But more annoying than the yuppie singles types is the One Particular Guy. A guy that I used to see fairly regularly, but now am only witness to on the weekends.

He is Insane Elliptical Man.

You see, Insane Elliptical Man uses the elliptical machine with a fervor I've never before seen in all my years as a gym goer. Not only is he pedaling his feet at such a pace that I am amazed he does not fall off of the machine, but he is also pumping his arms with a force so intense, I am somewhat surprised he doesn't take flight. But even more incredible (and annoying) than all of the that is the fact that he swings his head back and forth with every pedal of his feet. And the entire time? The world's creepiest smile plastered on his face, his eyes closed as though he were in some sort of euphoric elliptical induced trance. And every 5 seconds or so, he lets out an enormous grunt that is so loud and disgusting sounding, I've often had to leave the gym early because I couldn't take it anymore.

Would you like to see a reenactment? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!

For the record, I don't know what the hell Mr. A is talking about- I am SO moving my head back and forth, as noted by my swinging ponytail.

For months and months now, I've been begging, pleading in my head for someone, anyone else at the gym to give me a look of acknowledgment, a look that says "Oh yeah, I see that shit too. WHAT THE FUCK?" Every time I see this guy, I dart my head around trying to make eye contact with anyone in the vicinity. DON'T YOU SEE THIS, my eyes beg. What is wrong with this man!

But no one ever does. This just makes me hate the people at my gym even more. If we can't all come together and at least all note that we are in the presence of an incredibly irritating person, then what can we do together? If just once, someone would look up at me and give me that look of acknowledgment I'm so desperately seeking, I'd go out an by them a best friend necklace at once. I fear that day will never come.

But please tell me, my reader people, that you do this? That when you see someone behaving in such a bizarre way, that you seek out a friend with your eyes, a friend that sees what you see, a friend whose acknowledgment of the situation somehow makes it tolerable. Please tell me you'd look in my eyes if you saw Insane Elliptical Man, and say with your own eyes "Yes, yes, Slynnro. He is a freak. Now get back on your treadmill, you easily distracted judgmental asshole."

Better Than the Snuggie Ads

I laugh my ass off every time this guy says "The Amish aren't telling," which is quite frequently in my house thanks to YouTube.

THOSE BASTARDS!

Slynnro: Hey Pooples! What else are the Amish not telling?

Mr. A: How to make an efficient buggy.

Slynnro: And what else?

Mr. A: Harrison Ford who killed that girl Witness.

Yeah, really, this is all I got here people.

EDITED TO ADD (and you have to watch the video to get this):

Mr. A: WHO AMONG US HASN'T FALLEN VICTIM TO A FAUX AMISH FIREPLACE!

Slynnro: This was just made by a guy in tall hat!

Mr. A: Wait a minute, this is just a Hasidic Jew fireplace!

My Trip to Mexico, Now With Bonus Video Footage!

So, many of you have left comments or sent emails asking for a recap of my Mexico trip, so here it is!

I ate. I read a book by the beach. I took a shower. I went to bed. I did all of that 3 more times.

Normally, when Mr. A and myself go on vacation, there is a fair amount of research that takes place with regards to our destination. We like to play Junior Foodie and eat at all the nice restaurants, Mr. A likes to book a catamaran snorkel tour, I like to visit the spa. Nothing too exciting, but generally we, ya know LEAVE THE RESORT every day.

This was not that kind of trip. Due to the fact that whether or not we were even going to get to go at all was in question (Mr. A's job obligations) until just a few days prior to our departure, I felt it would be jinxing to even attempt to do any research about the trip. I also figured it would simply make it that much sadder when we didn't get to go. But alas, we were able to go! And what initially appeared to be a rather untimely vacation ultimately needed up being a REALLY FREAKING TIMELY vacation, as poor Mr. A was quite beat. He had been working until as late as 4 in the morning during the week before Christmas, and as such he really needed a rest.

Two things of great note happened on our trip. First, Mr. A HELD A FREAKING SHARK:

and second, he ordered a dish called "Mixed Grill 'Chilango Style:'"

You will surely not be surprised to learn that upon discovering this dish, we immediately began referring to everything as "Chilango Style!" Try it- it is LOADS of fun!

Also, I ordered two desserts. They were, much to my disappointment, NOT Chilango Style:

We only left our resort twice. Once to visit the fabled Playa Norte, which was on the other side of the incredibly tiny Isla Mujeres. It was quite beautiful indeed:

The second time was on New Year's Eve, when we dined at the Casa Rolandi (recommended by Emily!), which was so overwhelmingly full of ridiculous rich people, it was downright comedic. I've stayed in my fair share of fancy hotels, I've stayed at multiple Four Seasons, I've spent days loitering at the Ritz Carlton, I live in freaking Dallas for Chrissakes, but this was the first time I actually felt out of place poor! I can't quite put my finger on why, but yeah....it was sort of absurd. Of course, it could just be that I was acting like a jackass the whole time we were there:

Oh but wait! There is video of the jackassery, featuring me playing the air flute:

or dancing with my glamourous headband:

or of Mr. A declaring his love for a 15 year old at the next table (after declaring the family next to us "had no fun") wearing a prom dress at dinner:

A brilliant time indeed.

Briefly.

My favorite new product discoveries for 2008 list is up at Blissfully Domestic.

And Mr. A and myself are reading through the entries in the contest. We will have a vote up by Wednesday, I promise!

2008 in Review. Because I am a Follower.

January- We rung in the new year with a hat smashing incident. I famously gave up shopping for 60 days and cleaned out my closet. I also got miserably sick.

February- I learned about empty nose syndrome (a post which was picked up by an ENS message board- oops). Mr. A wrote an adorable list of mushy things about us for Valentine's Day. And I went on a liquid diet.

March- My car was broken into when I was planning on meeting Heather B for the first time. I revealed that I call Mr. A "Princess Sleep-A-Bye." And I wrote my epic "Packing for the Insane" guide.

April- I went on vacation. I coined the term Dumpy Suites. I revealed my product obsessions. I held a baby for the first time in years.

May- I wrote about an annoying new neighbor from a past life. I share my gift of giving things nicknames. I did a Q&A and shared the contents of my shower and my exercise routine and MY VOICE!

June- Some reader developed a really intense hatred for me. I went to a wedding and behaved in a ridiculous manner. I finally wrote an About Me page.

July- I shared my favorite photos. I turned 28 and went to a George Michael concert. I wrote two of my favorite funny posts ever. I went to the dentist for the first time in (SHAMEFULLY LONG AMOUNT OF TIME) and paid the price in pain and cold hard cash. I spent a long, amusing day at a BMW dealership. Oh, and I went to BlogHer and met a million awesome people. (July was busy, yo).

August- I tracked my spending and shared it with the internet. I had a hilarious stand off with Mr. A (and won). And I shared my tips for volumizing your hair.

September- I wrote a controversial post on abortion. I went to Medieval Times and a wedding in Monterey. I celebrated the birthdays of two of my favorite people in a most grand manner.

October- I introduced Sassy Kay to the world. And gave her an advice column. I thought about how I present myself to the world. And I celebrated my second anniversary and Halloween.

November- I started November Improve Yourself Month (which despite not writing about the end, I did complete). I voted for Barack Obama. I revisited the Units phenomenon with Metalia. I had a terrifying encounter in my car. I shared the embarrassing photographic documentation of my health problems and gave up gluten. And I finally met Sassy Kay in the flesh (or fur as the case may be).

December- I went to an ornament exchange and to Austin to visit friends and their dog, Clancy. I shared the tale of my broken best-friendship. I went on a most awesome party bus ride. I went shopping with Whoorl in Oklahoma. I collected your hilarious tales of holiday horrors. I got some perspective and then I went on vacation and started the new year in Mexico.

What I Learned on My Vacation. By Slynnro.

Sometimes, once every few months, I will have a moment. A moment brought on by nothing at all where I have a sudden realization. I am 28! I am a lawyer! I have been married for over 2 years! I will look over at Mr. A and say to myself "Holy shit, I've known you for 6 years and I live with you and I am now a member of a family that isn't the one I grew up with and I know the man I will be with when I am 90!" And I think to myself, "Well how in the hell did this happen? How did you end up here? Isn't this just crazy!"

It is quite easy to find yourself in such a moment, under the weight of real life and the accompanying obligations. And the obligations of your spouse, and how every little thing that that has an effect on him has an effect on you as well. With all the responsibilities of being a grown up, oh holy hell.

But when you take all that annoying shit away, like say on a vacation, it is just so much easier to look over at that person, the one you will know when you are 90 and say, "Ah, yes. This makes perfect sense. There is no other way this could be."