Slynnro

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Scenes From a Marriage: Volvo Commercial Ed.

If you follow me on Twitter (which you should), you may already know that Mr. A got a new car last month (his car is totally awesome, in case you are looking for an SUV crossover).

While driving said car, we discovered a totally amusing feature, which was the inspiration for this Volvo commercial we created in a fit of ridiculousness. We have been reenacting this little scene ever since we purchased the car. I have even been told that Mr. A and his brother, who visited last weekend, also had a bit of fun with this feature.

Enjoy!


New Discoveries!

QB's: The ICE CREAM FILLED RICE KRISPIE TREAT. They are as good as you might guess:


The WEARABLE motherfucking TOWEL:



Seriously... I know I have a Snuggie, but this shit is just ridiculous.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Just Curious....

Dallas-ites. Make yourselves known! I never find new blogs written by Dallas people.

Oh, Universe...Tell Me Something I Don't Already Know.

I haven't gotten any hate mail in forever. Thank God I'm back!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Weekend Update: Back from Seattle Edition

- Seattle, while gorgeous, is freaking cold. At the end of May, which is absurd. While I was at H&M the clerk was all "Enjoy the summer weather!" And I was all "Lady, I'm from Texas. In Texas? WE CALL THIS NOVEMBER." She didn't have much to say to me after that.

- Speaking of H&M, dude. Since I don't have regular access to it's bargain priced clothing delights, I forgot how dysfunctional the sizing is. I purchased items in size 4, 6, 8, and 10. Seriously?

- Would you like to see my purchases?

- Of course you would!

- The animal print dress is actually from Banana Republic. I LOVE IT SO.

- Also, my boobs are ON NOTICE. Out of nowhere, they are suddenly Fucking Huge. I know no one is going to feel sorry for me. But I hate them.

- Speaking of things unavailable in Texas, I also went to Trader Joe's, where I purchased these for my husband (along with a coveted Helly Hansen cap):

- CUTEST. CANDY. EVER.

- As you can see, I just finished Pretty in Plaid (super funny) and James Frey's latest, which I bought at the airport. Highly recommended.

- Remember that one time I didn't take down my fake Christmas tree until March? My friend Angelar and her husband have their real tree sitting in their backyard still.

- They win.

- Angela also had a bunch of children's books, for her lovely daughter Carolina:

and one of them? Was called "How God Gives Us Chocolate." Which is clearly some demented scheme by hardcore Christians to scare our children into believing in God for fear of losing access to Chocolate.

- The last line of the book was "And remember, GOD COULD TAKE IT ALL AWAY LIKE THAT, LITTLE HEATHEN!"

- Not really. But that would have been awesome.

- And lastly, a lesson on How To Make Children Love You by Slynnro:

- Ignore them.

- No, really. According to her mommy and daddy, Carolina has major stranger issues. But she LOVED me. Why? Because I wasn't freaking her out by getting all up in her face and making crazy ass sounds at her.

- I have a few friends who seem to think its funny to force their children on me because they know I'm not a baby person. What happens as a result? The kid freaks the fuck out, I now hate the parent, and no one wins. EASE YOUR WAY INTO CONTACT WITH A BABY.

And how was your holiday weekend, my loves?


Monday, May 18, 2009

Recs! I Need Recs!

1. Deep Conditioning Hair Treatment- My new curling iron is fabu! But also destroying my hair! The pieces in the front are barely distinguishable from hay. Which is for horses and not my head. I picked up a bottle of this tonight at Walgreen's in desperation. It seems to have helped. But I also used nearly the entire $15 bottle. I'm willing to spend a bit of dinero, but not for one serving.

2. Styling Heat Protector- see above.

3. Toddler Gifts- I have a birthday party to attend for a 3 year old boy. Uh, yeah....not my area of expertise. Ideas?

4. Hotel Recs in the Carribbean- The Four Seasons we were staying at in September? Fucking closed. So now we have to replan our trip. Ideas? Recall that I am a hotel snob, and uh, a ridiculous overspender for lodging. Bring it on!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Weekend Update: I Am Fat Ed.

This weekend was a weekend of ridiculous eating.

First on Friday, we ate dinner at Gui and then dessert at Asian Mint. Which is where things took a turn for the worse. Mr. A became rather intoxicated over the dessert course. At dinner, he had a few Sapporo, and then he saw a sign. A sign for the Sake Sampler. Always up for a challenge, disgusting or not, Mr. A felt compelled to order. He did pretty well taking them down, despite his digust. He was intent on getting his $15.00 worth. So he drank the most of each sake sample, leaving just a bit in the bottom of each glass.


Mr. A: I'm going to mix all the remainders together and shoot that.

Slynnro: Why would you do that?

Mr. A: So I can know what that's like

Slynnro: Do you want me to shoot you too? So you can know what that's like too?

Slynnro: That milky one looks like you know what....

Mr. A: Milk?

Slynnro: Uh no.

Mr. A: Semen?

Slynnro: Yes.

Mr. A: Well if I wasn't looking forward to it already....

After this, Mr. A had me administer field sobriety testing in the parking lot. He uh, failed. I drove.

This was followed by Saturday dinner at Mercury and drinks at the Rattlesnake bar at the Ritz Carlton. Where I saw all of the following:

Prostitutes, going for $2K, including one prostitute who busted my lovely friend Kate taking her picture. This was apparently offensive. However, having a man stick his hand up her inch long skirt was not.

Burmese Mountain Dogs

MMA Fighters

Maybe, possibly Darryl "Moose" Johnston of the Dallas Cowboys

Curt Thomas, of the San Antonio Spurs

More Prostitutes, including one who mysteriously was wearing a cut off denim skirt with knee high tube socks

A large man in a blue blazer and captain's hat, with epaulets and striping made of gold tape

A group of women, each of whom had a different large, Amy Winehouse-esque wig

Have I mentioned prostitutes?

AND THEN because I haven't gotten fat enough, Sunday dinner at Cafe Istanbul.

But not before picking up some baby clothes for my upcoming visit to Seattle and my friend Angela's baby, Carolina Bleu. AND! A trip to St. Bernard Sports, where I had to stop Mr. A from purchasing some Lilly Pulitzer swim trunks:

(Not really- Mr. A wants to make it VERY CLEAR that he would never purchase Lilly Pulitzer swim trunks.)

Even though Mr. A might not wear Lilly, he was very embarrassed to find that he had picked up a pair of Tommy Bahama swim trunks. Tommy Bahama is to swim trunks what the silky sports polo is to fan gear: A sure sign that he is in fact 30.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Max Factor Giveaway!

Head on over to the review blog and check out my giveaway, sponsored by Max Factor and BlogHer! You could win this:




Wednesday, May 13, 2009

And The Winner is....

So I just looked back at my first Slynnro Makeover post, which was SIX FREAKING WEEKS AGO. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed enough to finally pick a winner (which I did using the random number generator)....and the winner is Green Is The New Dots!

So congrats, Miss Dots! We'll get to work asap!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Scenes From A Marriage: No, Seriously. We Really Had This Conversation Ed.

Slynnro: I have exciting news for you!

Mr. A: What’s that?

Slynnro: I’ve become a vampire!

Mr. A: YAY! HOORAY!

Slynnro: I also have bad news.

Mr. A: What’s that?

Slynnro: I’m not planning on making you a vampire.

Mr. A: Well, then I’ve got news for you. I’m going to make you some holy water and garlic brownies.

Slynnro: Mmmm…sounds tasty. I think I will easily be able to avoid those.

Mr. A: You won’t even know they’re made with holy water and the garlic will be in minute quantities.

Slynnro: That’s just cruel.

Mr. A: And NOT making me a vampire isn’t?

Slynnro: Where are you going to get holy water?

Mr. A: The OAF told me he has mass quantities of it available for me.

Slynnro: You know, he performs exorcisms. In your closet.

Mr. A: Where does he find these people?

Slynnro: He puts ads on Craigslist.

Mr. A: The OAF, preying on people who have nothing left to lose.

Slynnro: Except their demons HA!

Mr.A: And $49.95.


Edited to Add: GRRR. The comments. They will load if you are patient.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Help A Girl Out.

I'm presently at home resting on my couch after a night of vomiting (I fear that food poisoning has struck yet again) and it occurred to me that I should ya know, pick someone for the Slynnro Makeover already. So I'm going to handle that task this weekend. In the meantime, I need to get to work on my questionnaire for the first makeover recipient. It would be of great assistance to me if you all suggested questions to put on the questionnaire. What kinds of things would you want me to know in assisting me to make you over?
Sorry the blog has been so neglected as of late. I'm still trying to figure out how to succeed at my new job without letting this site down!

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Going Gluten Free. Ish. Sort of.

So many of you have written or left comments asking me to write about going gluten free. While I would maintain that I’m hardly the best person to ask about this diet, I will say I’m probably a little more little realistic than some other gluten free bloggers (COUGH…GLUTENFREEGIRL…COUGH). I’m not about to tell you about how going gluten free has changed my life for the positive. Because it hasn’t. I’m not going to tell you that I feel like I’ve tasted real food for the first time. Because I haven’t. And I really promise not to use vaguely sexual terminology when discussing my food chioces.

With that being said, I guess the first thing I’ll do is tell you what I eat on a daily basis. For breakfast, I usually have some sort of gluten free cereal- Puffins, preferably peanut butter, or some other cereal made by EnviroKidz (available at Whole Foods- they also make delicious rice krispie cereal bars). For lunch, I nearly always have a takeout salad, Pei Wei Vietnamese Chicken Salad Rolls (on their Gluten Free menu), or an Amy’s Kitchen dinner. I’ve tried a few different brands of gluten free convenience meals and the only ones I’ve found to be edible are those by Amy’s. Amy’s are downright delicious, if a bit high on the fat and calories. For dinner, I have been really into making chicken tacos as of late. I buy the pre-marinated chicken breasts at Whole Foods and wrap those up in corn tortillas with rice, salsa, black beans and pico de gallo.

As far as snacks go, that’s pretty easy. I’ll have Puffins, or chocolate chips, The Lesser Evil Popcorn, and basically all candy is gluten free. Which is good because I have one hell of a sweet tooth.

As you can see, I hardly eat a balanced diet. I need way more vegetables, and I don’t eat fruit. I also rarely eat dairy (I have lactose issues too), so I am religious about taking my calcium supplements.

In terms of general advice, I try to stick to a meal that consists of a protein and a rice product. Generally this means chicken and rice. Presently, I’m obsessed with Annie Chun’s sticky rice which is available at Whole Foods.

Gluten free pasta is suprisingly delicious. The texture is a bit different from regular pasta, but once you load on some pasta sauce, you can hardly tell a difference. I’ve tried many brands, and for me the best one out there is Tinkyada (again, available at Whole Foods). My advice is to avoid any of the corn pastas. They taste like dirt, and fall apart while cooking. I am also a fan of DeBolles Rice Pasta and Cheese.

Fortunately, many chain restaurants have gluten free menus available. If I’m eating at such a restaurant, I try to check the website beforehand and see if they have a gluten free or allergen menu. But what to do when such a menu is not available? Salads are your safest bet. But watch out for croutons! Gluten city. If you are highly sensitive to gluten, even salad can be a problem because the proteins on top of salads are often marinated in something containing gluten (for instance, soy sauce). I don’t have Celiac disease, simply gluten intolerance, so this has never really presented a problem for me.

If I need something more substantial, I usually order a protein with a vegetable. All vegetables and proteins are naturally gluten free. You can eat these things safely so long as you are aware of how they are being prepared.
In terms of fast food, your only real option is Wendy's. I usually order a chicken sandwich, dump the bread, and pile up chicken with barbecue sauce on top of a baked potato. It is mighty delicious.

I’m fortunate that before I found out that I needed to go gluten free, I was generally a healthy eater. Thus, I wasn’t eating battered and fried foods (that batter is made of flour- gluten free nightmare). But guess what my favorite food is? Sandwiches! Guess what I can’t have anymore- bread! There is gluten free bread avaiable, but I ain’t gonna lie. Most of it tastes like cardboard. It’s dense, it has to be kept frozen, and for some reason most gluten free sandwich bread slices are very tiny. The most edible bread I’ve found is that made with almond flour.

The bottom line is that going gluten free? Is not cheap. If you want to enjoy any kind of convenience foods or pastas, you are going to have to start shopping at Whole Foods or another specialty grocer. I used to live on Lean Cuisines, which were incredibly cheap. Now I spend a ton of money at the grocery store and feel like I have nothing to show for it. Also, more and more stores have a gluten free list of products available. Whole Foods keeps their list at the front of the store, as does Central Market. We don’t have them in Texas, but I know Trader Joe’s has a large number of GF products for sale.

Another thing to remember is don’t be embarrassed to ask about gluten free options! Mr. A and I are going on vacation in September and staying at the Four Seasons. When I made my reservation, I noted that I was gluten intolerant and I have already been contacted by the kitchen staff at the hotel and they have told me they are going have a special menu available for me during my stay. I understand that the whole world is not a five star resort, but servers and hotel staff are generally willing to help out when they can. Contact your hotel, call the restaurant beforehand. Speak with your server. If you are gracious in making your request, they will gladly help.

Emotionally, going gluten free is also not easy. When I first came to terms with the fact that I had to drastically change what I ate, it was incredibly depressing. I love carbohydrates. I miss my favorite cereals. I miss bread so very much. After about 8 months of being gluten free, I am still not over it. But chances are, this is the way I will have to eat for the rest of my life. Over time, your preferences will change. You will stop noticing the differences. You will find things that you love even more than their glutenous counterparts. The primary time I have to think about being gluten free now is when I eat with new people. Be prepared to deal with a litany of questions about going gluten free. Fortunately, at this point being GF is becoming increasingly common and thus less difficult to explain.

I know this post is a bit disjointed, but I hardly feel I am an expert in this area. I’m still feeling my way along, trying to balance my desire to eat like a normal person with my need NOT to feel like crap all of the time. If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments. And if you are gluten free, please leave your advice there as well!