Scenes From A Marriage: Just Another Day in Paradise Ed.

Q&A will continue tomorrow. 

Slynnro:  Pooples, did you brush your teeth at all while you were in New Orleans, because judging by your breath....

Mr. A:  Maybe I did, Maybe I didn't.

Slynnro:  Is that how you keep the ladies away?

Mr. A:  It takes much more than that to keep the ladies away from this guy.

Slynnro:  Did you wear a necklace of garlic?

Mr.  A:  Uh, NO.  That's vampires, not ladies.

Slynnro:  I think a garlic necklace would be as effective for ladies as vampires.

Mr. A:  No, not for the Italian ladies.

Slynnro:  Dude!  So at Matt's party, we had a very exciting conversation about ear candling!  (This was after the Butt Cysts).

Mr. A:  Uh huh.

Slynnro:  They totally candled Matt's ear and said that 2-3 tablespoons of wax came out!

Mr. A:  That's disgusting!

Slynnro:  And fascinating, which is why I am candling your ears.  And no, I'm not asking permission.

Mr. A:  What if it takes out the wax and changes my personality!

Slynnro:  That's a risk I'm willing to take.

Mr. A:  That's what so insulting about it.

Mr. A:  You're gonna be all "You know you've never been the same SINCE THE EAR CANDLING!"

Q&A Answers, Part One.

Jamie says:  I have a question for you!  I'm a 3L, and May is approaching and I'm getting lots of questions about graduation presents.  I want a briefcase, but I don't know what kind and I'm super picky about bags.  I want diamond studs and a pearl necklace, but my family/friends aren't exactly rolling in cash so these might be unrealistic.  At this point I'm leaning toward "I would like many Sephora gift cards" but that doesn't really have the celebratory feel that people are going for, y'know?

What did you ask for/receive for graduation, and what did you like best?  Tell me what I should ask for...I trust your judgment.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Well. I was all about getting a fancy snazzy business card holder and briefcase when I graduated.  I've been a lawyer for going on 5 years now, a litigation lawyer no less, and I do NOT have a briefcase or a business card holder.  I suppose I could make use of both of these items, but I haven't felt compelled to unload cash on the ones that would meet my standards.  

I would get a card case, especially if you don't have a job- I'd make up business cards to carry for networking purposes if you are planning on going to local Young Lawyers and Bar Association events.  And its something you can certainly use once you have a job as well.  BUY SOMETHING SIMPLE!  No bedazzling allowed!  I always, always err on the side of conservative caution when dealing with people in the legal industry.

I would NOT buy a briefcase, unless you eventually find yourself in a job needing one.  You didn't say what kind of job you will have, so I can't tell you if you would need one.  The only people I see with "briefcases" are trial attorneys who carry the giant rolling briefcase style file bags.  And you certainly shouldn't buy one of those until you know you need it.  What I would buy instead is some sort of stylish tote bag, avoiding logoed ones at all costs.  I wouldn't invest too much money in a starter bag, and then wait until you start your job to see what kind of bag best suits your needs.  Mr. A carries a Kenneth Cole bag like this, and honestly, I don't think he totes much work related stuff in it all.  It is usually filled with bags of pretzels he took from work.  You hardly ever see people with traditional briefcases.

I don't even remember what Mr. A got me for law school, and my parents got me a simple pearl jewelry set.  Mr. A's parents got me giftcards, which I think is a good option.  After 7 years in the student world, you probably don't have a lot of business clothes in your wardrobe and you will need all the help you can get buying them.  I'd ask for cards from Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, LOFT, and J. Crew for staples.  As for the celebratory mood thing- trust me, you will gladly celebrate that other people are financing your wardrobe.

If you want to be slightly less lame, you could ask for gift cards for spas- you will certainly be stressed out when you start your new job, and what better way to work through that than with a gratis massage?  The other thing I would ask for is a watch.  In the lower cost end of the spectrum Michael Kors makes great watches.   If the giver has a bigger budget, I love my Michele watch.  

Desiree asks:  Do you like being crafty and creative? Making your own (fill in the blank)?

No!  I am the exact opposite of crafty!  I have never made anything in my life- home decor or otherwise.  I don't sew, I don't scrapbook, I can't do interior design to save my life.  When I was in college, I studied abroad in Costa Rica, and when I came back I bought a TON of scrapbooking crap that I could so not afford.  It is still sitting in my closet, with my Costa Rica pics.  One day!  Or not.  I don't cook either.  My only "art" is putting clothing together!  Just ask the poor girl that designed my site- I sent her an email that said "Make me a blog that looks like a Mexican dress."  That was the only guidance I gave her.  I am not creative.

NaomiJesson asks:  OK you're stylish & fabulous! HELP! I need a new wallet that will hold the million cards I have, even though they are useless I cannot rid myself of them, I am a wallet hoarder.  Also, it needs to be stylish but I am hoping for NOT black because I always get myself a black leather wallet. BORING. HELP! Oh yeah, I also like a deal but will spend for something BRILLIANT! Is this a task that you are willing to take on?

Ok. I buy a new wallet every 3 or 4 years, at which point whatever wallet I am using is covered in pen marks and falling apart.  Which is my way of saying I think you SHOULD get a dark colored leather wallet.  My previous wallet was a white leather one and it was a disaster.  

My current wallet is this one by Marc Jacobs.  

 

 This wallet costs approximately one million dollars, which is why I bought mine at the Off 5th Outlet for like 75% off.  

I really like it, except that my cash is always getting caught in the zipper, which is why I recommend a similar shape, but with a snap or magnetic close, and not a zipper top.  I do think wallets are something worth investing a little bit of cash in because you use them constantly, people are always seeing them, and you want something that is going to hold up when it gets tossed around in your purse.  Now investment means many things to many people, but if you can afford it, I'd budget around $100.  I would NOT spend $450, even though my dream wallet is a Chanel Camellia wallet. 

I totally dig this red patent Ted Baker wallet:

 

I dig the kisslock change compartment, the bright color that will be easy to find in your wallet (and yes, I know this is sort of contradictory to my earlier advice, but patent leather is forgiving and therefore more resistant to penmarks and stains).  There are a ton of card compartments and an easy to access ID holder.  

Same is true for this Kate Spade wallet, and I also love the Kristin collection from Coach, which also has a checkbook holder if you need that.   Also check out Hobo International and their brightly colored collection!

Danielle asks:  Have you ever used bliss poetic wax? Heating it up now to try for the first time....ugh.

Nope.  I have a wax lady with whom I would trust my life!  When I did used to wax my own brows, I used Micro Tweeze wax from Sally Beauty.  Super cheap and pretty effective!

And that's all for today kids!  My weekend with old bestie went just swimmingly, and we were able to see a ton of old college friends at my friend Matty's housewarming party.  While I was there, there was an extended conversation on the topic of "Butt Cysts," which are TOTALLY A THING, a thing which a certain someone I know I'll call "Natty" suffered from.  When the topic came up, everyone was like "Blog material!" but I like you all enough to spare you from that.  Bunny and I also had a fantastic lunch at the Ritz Carlton, at which I took a few too many glutened food samples and which I have subsequently paid for with tummy trubs all day, causing me to miss a friend's wedding shower.  Which is another topic I'll spare you from.

Blogging Brain: BROKEN. (Q&A at the Bottom!) (If you make it through the boring crap.)

Despite the fact that everyone keeps telling me I look way smarter in my spectacles (which, thanks for all the compliments gang!), it hasn't made my blogging brain any smarter.  I can't think of anything to talk about!

We did some open housing on Sunday, and despite mine and Ole Waxy's fears that this would turn into a GIANT! DEBACLE!, it didn't. This was probably made easier by the fact that we didn't see anything that either of us were interested in. On Saturday, I had brunch with a few friends and drove through a fancy pants neighborhood (near Kate's place!) and found THE MOST PERFECT GLORIOUS AFFORDABLE rental. I went home and promptly emailed the agent, whose number and email I got from the sign that was posted in the home's yard. I was full of glee, glee which was quickly dashed by a jackass REAL-TOR! (Please take no offense, REALTOR! readers- all other REALTOR! persons I've come into contact with thus far were perfectly kind). In response to my polite email inquiry, I received this response:

NOT AVAILABLE.

Which? Really? I was expecting something more along the lines of "while that property is currently not available, I have some other homes you might be interested in!"

I WAS NOT PLEASED. There is no need to be so curt, especially to a potential customer. So I fired off a pretty catty, and satisfying, email that suggested that perhaps if said REALTOR! wanted to avoid the time consuming exercise of sending out a "not available" email that he ya know, TAKE DOWN THE DAMN SIGN!

I win at diplomacy!

Or not.

Anyhoo, I do think the good thing about entertaining the idea of home purchasing will make Ole Waxy way more eager to strike a deal about a rental should we decide to go down that path.  Which isn't to say we've decided on a path, but that both paths are equally open at this point.

Regardless, nothing will be happening on the real estate front this week, as Ole Waxy will be attending a bachelor party in New Orleans and thus not around to house hunt.  And I will be engaging in an exciting endeavor of my own....

My Long Lost Best Friend is coming to stay with me! No, not MOH. The other long lost best friend, Bunny.

As I've mentioned before, Bunny and I "broke up" summer after I graduated from college and haven't seen each other in person since 2002. Which means the last time I saw her, she was 22. She just turned 30 the other day. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? It is completely insane, and really strange because every time I talk to her, it certainly doesn't seem like there was a nice seven year gap in our relationship. This is both remarkable and unsurprising all at the same time. I'm certainly apprehensive about this, especially in light of the fact that we will be going from seven years of no contact to spending a weekend together, but I'm very excited. I'm also excited that she's here to celebrate Mutual Friend Matt's own foray into homeownership. What a crazy weekend it will be!

So that's what's going on here. Nope, its not interesting in the slightest. So what would you all like to see me write about? I'm open to some random questions and answers, with the caveat that I will not talk specifically about my work. I'll be happy to entertain questions about me or as always, beauty or fashion advice. Ask away!

Making A Spectacle of Myself.

As promised, here is Spectacled Slynnro.  I like the frames, but the whole idea of wearing glasses is going to take some major getting used to.  In the mean time, having these has made me realize my vision was CRAP before.  Like wow.

And yes, I ALWAYS look this pissy in the mornings.

Losing My (Property) Virginity.

So.  I made the call.  To a REALTOR today.

TIME OUT.

Have you see those commercials about REALTORS?  Where they suggest you call a REAL-TOR!  And it sounds like REALTOR is some sort of giant mystery monster?

ANYWAY.  A REALTOR may as well be a giant blue monster for all I know because Mr. A and I?  Don't know jack shit about buying a house.  This is where you fabulous people come in.  I so appreciate your house input on the last post that I am thanking you by peppering you with even more questions!

Tips?  Ideas?  Things you wish you would have known?  How to deal with realtors?  What to expect?  Things to look out for when buying an older home?  

Help me!  Don't make me sic a REALTOR! on you!

Scenes From a Marriage: Good with the Bad Ed.

Generally speaking, Mr. A is a pretty wonderful dude.  He is willing to write mushy paragraphs about me and allow them to be published on the internet.  He will fetch me a salad at any time of day.  And despite his inner cheapness, which I mentioned yesterday, he did not blow a gasket when I told him that yesterday I purchased a pair of David Yurman glasses (no, I did not pay full price, but uh, they weren't cheap.)

(which, whatever, let's say I hadn't neglected my eyes for the past 20 years (oh yes it's been that long since an eye exam), I would have totally spent what these glasses cost over that time, so really this is just making up for lost eye related expenses)

Mr. A is also a really great guy to make you feel good about yourself.  In a perfect world, Mr. A would have me put on 10 or 15 pounds.  He much prefers Jessica Simpson to Kate Moss.  But occasionally, he screws up.  Case in point:

Slynnro:  This dress is giving me a spare tire!

Mr. A:  No, it's not!

Slynnro:  Yes it is!  Look at this!  (points to mushy ring of fat that appears at the waistline while sitting down in said dress)

Mr. A:  That's nothing!  That's like a spare bicycle tire!

Slynnro:  THAT IS NOT HELPING!

Mr:  A:  But bicycle tires are thin!  Much less than a regular tire!

Slynnro:..........................

Which is probably pay back for the hours I spend pointing out errant nose hairs, eyebrow overgrowths, and ear wax accumulation.  

Well played, Mr.A.

I'm Not Really Almost 30 AM I?

Sooooooooooooo.....its been a while.  I have had two crap-crap-crappy weeks at work and have been far too mentally tuckered out to come up with anything worth putting up here.  I'm a million posts behind in my Reader and am all out of internet sorts.  But things are looking up!  The next two weeks at work promise to be considerably easier for a variety of reasons and SPRING!  IT IS HERE!  It has been absolutely gorgeous in Texas this weekend.  Now is that all too brief time where temperatures are in the 70s, going outside is incredibly pleasant, and you can start wearing your maxi dresses again.  Today we spent a lovely hour or two with Mr. A's friends at a patio bar.  Oh, how I've missed patio weather!  Now, talk to me about the weather in about three months however, and my words won't be so pleasant as temperatures will raise about 30 degrees and my freshly dry cleaned maxi dresses will be stained with sweat.  But until then, I SHALL ENJOY!  And enjoy I did this weekend.  Yesterday was the big Greenville St. Patrick's Day Parade, which I am far too old of a fogey to attend.  Afterward, however, I went to a little gathering at a friend's home and for the 100th time, fell in love with their neighborhood:

Fret not, these are not the particular homes I'm looking at.  I have no desire to die in an internet stalking incident.

It is a very rare circumstance in Dallas to find a desirable home that is NOT new construction in a far out suburb, and lies in a decent neighborhood and costs less than $600,000.

I brake for red doors.

Yes, I'm one of those rare Texans that rejects brand new construction.  I want a real established neighborhood.  I don't want to live next door to the model home down the street from 15 houses that look just like mine.  I want old trees and history, not bonus rooms and the ability to select  the flooring upgrade of my choice.  I am truly a rare breed amongst people I know.  (and yes, I'm aware of the benefits of new construction.  It's just not what I want- keep your comments to yourself)

Anyway, my feelings of house lust have brought about feelings of OHFUCK$HITHELLMONEY$$$ with Mr. A.  I have previously described him here as frugal.  I was using restraint.  Just as I buy my clothes too big for fear of sudden rapid weight gain, Mr. A clings to his money with clenched talons for fear of Sudden Onset Poverty.

Mr. A's strategy is not without benefits, but as I get older I just find myself wanting a HOUSE.  And a yard.  And a doggie.  And neighbors who are like me, and not unemployed overindulged graduates of private colleges who have parties requiring booze which is charged to their parents' AmEx.  Which isn't to say we couldn't find that in a rental, but ya know, home ownership has more of a sense of permanency which is more and more tempting these days.  

I've hardly made up my mind on the matter, however.  While Mr. A and I could certainly afford a house, and a pretty nice one to boot, this is still a purchase that scares me.  And in this economy, I certainly like having a pretty decently sized cash reserve as we have now.  I like the idea that the worst thing that could happen to us is that we break a lease and not default on a mortgage.  And while people blather about tax benefits, there are all manner of house expenses that start cutting away at that (we do not qualify for the $8k first time buyer credit even though this is our first home).  Mortgage insurance, home insurance, property tax, upkeep, yard-work, higher utility costs.  And then there's the matter of furniture.

Mr. A and myself own barely enough furniture to decorate a 1200 square foot apartment.  Since we have been married, this is the sum total of furniture purchases made:

1 Chair

1 Coffee Table (a floor sample for 1/2 off)

1 Desk

1 Cabinet

2 barstools

Yeah, that's it.  Which is why I've been able to indulge my Anthropologie lust.  Everything else was Mr. A's when we got married.  As you can imagine, I've been itching to replace EVERYTHING for a while now.  But I also find the concept TERRIFYING.  I will have to develop taste!  And a design aesthetic!  And paint walls!  I've been very reluctant to even attempt that in an apartment because there is no guarantee that these things will work out on whatever home we choose to buy.  

So while its nice to be all footloose and fancy free, I'm sick of feeling like things are so temporary.  I'm ready to have a place to live that really reflects my tastes and feels like me.  And an apartment doesn't do that, and another temporary place won't do it either.  

If only the down payment fairy would grant my wishes and drop $100,000 and a Crate and Barrel gift card into my lap....

When did you buy your first home?  If you haven't yet, what's keeping you from doing it? 

Scenes from a Marriage: Haven't Done One of These in a While Ed.

 Scene:  Sitting at the bar in our kitchen, Slynnro is bitching endlessly about a ridiculous thing that happened at work.

Mr. A:   (pushes a tube of Chapstick in front of Slynnro)  "I got this for you."

Slynnro:  (Sideways glance)  "It's used Chapstick.'

Mr. A:  Used by me.

Slynnro:  (Sideways glace)

Mr. A:  "When you use it, its like kissing me, because I've already rubbed it all over my lips."

Slynnro:  Anyway, (continues bitching about work).

Speaking of Gender Identity.

Over the years, I have had a very love/hate relationship with Jezebel.  On the one hand, each day they eviscerate the media from a feminist perspective in an amazingly intelligent way that no other media source ever does.  On the other hand, I've found in the past certain commentary and articles regarding rape, and a variety of other subjects, to be misguided and damaging to the very cause they seem to largely exist to elevate.

Regardless, each week they tear apart the gossip weeklies, magazines which I admittedly read from time to time, and attempt to not only joke about the ludicrousness inside, but also point out how damaging they are to the female psyche for a variety of reasons.  As I was perusing their site on a brief trial recess, I read this weeks tabloid takedown and noticed that a piece that was written in one form or another in each magazine about Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and her hair.

I personally have not read this magazine (even I have standards, and Life and Style doesn't meet them), but according to Jezebel:

The first chunk of this story is about how Shiloh's haircut "ignited a firestorm of controversy" and includes quotes from commenters on Perez Hilton (?!?) and other sites. A caption in the story notes that in 2009Shiloh had a "serious sense of style" yet was "trendy but still feminine." But now? Her haircut is "shockingly short" and she is a "total tomboy." Apparently when Brad was on Oprah a while back, he mentioned that Shiloh wanted to be called John. The mag reads: "It doesn't appear and Brad and Angie are forcing Shiloh into boys' clothes" but "Angelina could easily persuade Shiloh to wear something more feminine" and "in the end, the parent is responsible for how a toddler dresses." Then there's a quote from Glenn Stanton, Director of Family Formation Studies at the conservative organization Focus On The Family. He says: "Little girls have never been women before." O RLY? "They need help. They need guidance of what that looks like. It's important to teach our children that gender distinction is very healthy." The mag adds: "Though he says there's nothing wrong with girls not wearing dresses, he believes parents should make sure they still look feminine." Dude continues: "Parents need to be the parents and guide their children. You don't want people asking, 'Are you a little boy or a little girl?' That will start to sink in." The mag also talks to a psychotherapist named Jonathan Alpert, who says: "It's hard for me to believe that a three-year-old would say, 'Cut my hair like this.' I think Brad and Angelina are trying to defy gender norms or cultural or social norms. To make a social statement via a child is unhealthy." One last comment from Jennifer Aniston's former stylist! Sam Saboura says: "[Shiloh] looks very chic and French. In Europe, girly doesn't always mean pink and frilly." Bless you, sir.

Okay, first thought- how much does she look like Brad with this 'do?

Moving on, "Its important to teach children that gender distinction is healthy."  Well.  Hmmmm.  My feelings on this are more complex than you might think.  While I don't think this man is wrong per se, I think that, like before a more ugly truth lives behind these words.  I think it is undeniable that as children grow and become more and more self aware, gender distinction certainly is something that is going to develop and has to be tended to.  For most boys and girls, I would guess this comes somewhat very naturally, along with not so gentle pushing from parents.  Most moms and dads love to buy into gender distinction at an early age, like. . . at gestation.  Blue and pink nurseries come to mind.  I will confess that when I contemplate the idea of having children, something that certainly appeals to me is the idea of buying little frilly dresses and hair bows.  I'm human.  

However, based on what I've read, and what I mentioned in my previous post, I do think there is a much more sinister, and yes, homophobic sentiment behind his remarks.  Gender identity is important because it tells you who you are supposed to grow up and procreate with.  But I also agree with him in that using children to make a social statement is the opposite of wise and healthy.  And given the people who are the subject of the article, I'd hardly say its impossible for this to be part of their motivation for the haircut and dress.  

I think children should be raised to do whatever they want- girls playing with toy trucks and boys playing with dolls and everything in between.  But what does a parent owe their child in terms of offering them non-tradition opportunities in terms of toys and social activities and haircuts and whatever else?  In other words, should parents of girls say "here, have this army man?" and should parents of boys offer up a Barbie (which, let's not have the Barbie as a social concept discussion here)?  Do children pursue these opportunities on their own?  I don't really know because I don't have them.  What kind of pushing and prodding into any direction should parents give their children?  If the child doesn't pursue activities or whatever else that are nontraditional for their sex, should the parent offer them?  At what point does it become forced?  Can you go too far offering up nontraditional opportunities?  When do you go too far pushing them in a new direction?

I don't really know, but I think its something that is interesting to think about.  Any thoughts?

Thank you and You're Welcome.

Wow.

Thanks guys, for the OVERWHELMING support on that last post.  It was something that was floating around in the brain for a week or two, and it was really difficult to write, and the process did involve listening to Focus on the Family podcasts.  And to have it all pay off with positive support?  A surprisingly fantastic feeling.  

I'm a little mentally worn out from writing it, and having a busy week at work (dealing with arch-nemesis), so I don't have much to say.  Thankfully, however, Mr. A has decided to get back into blogging.  Yes, he has a blog.  A long dormant blog (2008), but he is blessing us with a doozy of a post (warning it is about S-E-X, and no its not about me).  I cried laughing while reading it, so I very much encourage you all to check it out (and the archives while you are there).  Mr. A spins quite a yarn.  It is Thunderously Awesome.