Uncensored.

This weekend, we traveled to Austin to see my No. 25 No. 21 Baylor Bears take on Mr. A's (unranked) Texas Longhorns.  My kind in-laws purchased tickets for the four of us and went spent the evening in Austin with the fam.

And yes, despite whatever Longhorn fan-dom ramblings you may have read on this blog, you read that correctly.  Though I am a graduate of The University of Texas School of Law, married to a big time Longhorn fan, married into a big time Longhorn fanatic family, as I explained to my mother-in-law on Saturday night, undergrad loyalty always trumps graduate school loyalty when faced with head to head competition.  I cheer on the Longhorns for every game of the season, save for this match-up, because I do have an affection for UT, and more importantly, the outcome of those games dictates my husband's mood for a good five or six months of the year.  But in my heart, I'm a Baylor Bear.

We were attempting to explain the rules of poseur fandom to MIL, who I unwittingly offended by explaining that fans who did not go to a certain university, but are nonetheless obnoxious in their association to the sports team of the school of their choice, are in certain eyes poseurs.  Their fandom is completely their option, but there is some level of mockery that may be associated with that given certain behaviors/situations.  Neither of my in-laws went to UT, but have many levels of association with the school, including FIL and BIL's employment, and mine, A's and SIL's graduate school attendance.  They are also pretty intense UT fans, who seemed somewhat surprised by my appearance in the green and gold on Saturday afternoon.

The conversation related to poseurdom was ultimately good natured, and no one really got angry, but I can always tell when Mr. A thinks I've gone too far in being in the least bit argumentative with his parents.  This is true, even though I've only had one major disagreement with them ever over the course of our relationship (and it actually did not relate to our wedding) that resulted in a pretty big argument.  I genuinely enjoy seeing my in-laws.  Not only are they generous with their time and money, but they are legitimately fun to be around and I like them.  

I actually tend to be a pretty big hit with parents, historically speaking.  I think this is because I'm pretty much ME all of the time.  What you see is what you get.  I don't do a very good job of censoring myself around any given audience, and I am not particularly good at editing myself (hence why I never blog about work- I'd have to tell the whole damn story, and I don't want to find myself giving away private information).  I think parents pick up on this lack of phoniness and appreciate that I am comfortable enough around them to be who I really am.  And sometimes with parents that means disagreeing with them openly, though not hostilely.  

I think these tendencies make Mr. A nervous about me being around his parents at times.  I don't mean that Mr. A hates having me around his parents by any means, but I know that when certain subjects come up, he is metaphorically, and sometimes physically cringing about whatever I DID say or whatever he thinks I might say.  He is wise enough, and good tempered enough, to generally not tell me how to act around his parents, but ya know, I know.  But ya know, I am what I am.

So what about you- how are you around your in-laws?  Do you keep your opinions to yourself?  Are you edited with your in laws?  Do you think I am a giant disrespectful ass?  Does your spouse tell you to back off during disagreements?

Because Cheap Lazy People Need Home Decor Too.

This

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This, This and This (other fabric I can't find the link to)

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CHEAP FREAKIN' ART:

Just like my friend Kate posted today, I've made the world's simplest home decor.  I spent, oh, MONTHS thinking about fabric selections.  And uh, ordered the first fabric I liked.  

But anyway, this is a simple, easy CHEAP way to dress up your place!  Enjoy!

I'm Sorry. I Actually LIKE Memes.

Via Amber and Ricochet, this is some (in my opinion crappy) test designed to see if you are a member of the new elite.  I uh, am not according to this test.  I guess I can't escape my past, dammit!  Anyway, I do think its a crappy quiz, but there are some good WT anecdotes of mine towards the end.  Enjoy.

1. Can you talk about "Mad Men?" No.

2. Can you talk about the "The Sopranos?" Yes.

3. Do you know who replaced Bob Barker on "The Price Is Right?" Drew Carey.

4. Have you watched an Oprah show from beginning to end? Yes.

5. Can you hold forth animatedly about yoga? HELL NO.

5. How about pilates? See above.

5. How about skiing? I skied once when I was like 12.  So no. 

6. Mountain biking? I've never been near a mountain bike in my life.

7. Do you know who Jimmie Johnson is? Race car driver? (yep, got it.)

8. Does the acronym MMA mean nothing to you? Mixed Martial Arts.

9. Can you talk about books endlessly? Unfortunately, only the ones I hate.

10. Have you ever read a "Left Behind" novel? What is that?

11. How about a Harlequin romance? Other than a few curious peeks at my grandmother's stash (EEEEEW- pulsating love wands anyone?) during junior high, no.

12. Do you take interesting vacations? Depends on your standards- I like the beach.  This is probably not a high brow interest.  But I do love me some fancy hotels.

13. Do you know a great backpacking spot in the Sierra Nevada? Nope.

14. What about an exquisite B&B overlooking Boothbay Harbor? Where's that?

15. Would you be caught dead in an RV? Now?  Probably not, although, there is talk of husband's family renting one to drive from Vegas to the Grand Canyon.  I am dubious this will ever happen (not the best use of vacation days in my book).  During childhood summers, however, I spent many weeks with my grandma and her boyfriend at many different Thousand Trails RV parks.  I hated it though, and it wasn't my choice.  However, I did appreciate that my grandma frequently let us eat Pop Tarts for every meal and made Velveeta Shells 'n Cheese with FUCKING BACON OH YES.  That's prooooobably pretty White Trash.

16. Would you be caught dead on a cruise ship? No, generally speaking.  However, we are considering taking a Regent or Celebrity Cruise in Europe next year if we don't do Bora Bora.  

17. Have you ever heard of of Branson, Mo? Yes, but I've never been.  And never will go.

18. Have you ever attended a meeting of a Kiwanis Club? No.

19. How about the Rotary Club? No.

20. Have you lived for at least a year in a small town? Try 18 of them.

21. Have you lived for a year in an urban neighborhood in which most of your neighbors did not have college degrees? Probably, when I was living in Waco for the expensive private college I went to.  I'm guessing that doesn't count, but Baylor is in the middle of one of the most impoverished areas in the state.  Uh, Sic 'Em?

22. Have you spent at least a year with a family income less than twice the poverty line? Technically, probably yes, although our lifestyle didn't reflect it.  During my college years, I actually qualified for a Pell Grant due to my father's loss carry over from his years as a farmer.

23. Do you have a close friend who is an evangelical Christian? No.  But I went to college with a bunch of them.  Have you ever been to a Speaking in Tongues church?  Because I have.  Have you ever been to a Speaking in Tongues Church, escaped it with a fellow confused companion only to have said companion attempt to make out with you in the church parking lot?  And then ignored that companion until he calls you ON THE LAST DAY OF FRESHMAN YEAR before you are moving home trying to get you to go with him to get ice cream in such a creepy fashion that you felt certain he was trying to kidnap you?

Oh, well.  That happened to me.

Don't go to the Speaks in Tongue Church is what I'm saying.

24. Have you ever visited a factory floor? OH PEOPLE.  I can do better than this- when I was in the third grade, we took a class field trip to the MOTHEREFFING MEAT PROCESSING PLANT wherein OUR THIRD GRADE EYES were allowed to see a GIANT LIVE PIG DROPPING INTO BOILING WATER TO REMOVE THE HAIR.  

And then afterwards, they took us to the meat market where we were served beef jerky.  It was delightful.

25. Have you worked on one? No.

Feline, Esq.

I've been trying unsuccessfully to take a picture of my hair since, oh Sunday.  Unfortunately, my iPhone isn't cutting it and the batteries on the good camera are dead and after a rare 11 hour work day for me, I didn't much feel like going to buy some new ones this evening.  And since my husband has been at work non-stop since oh, last month, there hasn't really been anyone to take some good shots of it anyway, so really what's the point?

(still want to go to law school?)

But no really- Mr. A left for Atlanta Friday morning for a firm practice group retreat (I haven't really talked to him about it, but I'm guessing mani-pedis were NOT on the menu), got home Saturday night at 10 P-fucking-M, went in on Sunday at 10 A-fucking-M, and in a rare feat of totally life-suckedness, actually got up and went to work before me, who has to be at my desk at the unholy hour of 8 am.  Oh, and its 9:30 pm and I know where my husband is- at work.

(Aside:  My father seems to think its HILARIOUS to ask me if I really think Mr. A is at work all this time. He might be having an affair!   TEE FUCKING HEE!  I feel pretty confident that he is not, as Mr. A is far too lazy to engage in some kind of 12 hour a week romantic rendezvous-ing.  I know- I dated him.)

(And if he is having said affair, its a good thing he's working all these hours because I am going to demand a lot of money in the divorce.)

Ugh.  So, where was I?  Despite having a good outcome at work after my long ass day, I'm still a little miffed by something that happened.  I work in a male dominated practice area, even though my office co-workers are pretty evenly split gender wise.  Even though this thing tends to make people dislike other girls, I am typically drawn to men as friends.  I'm not quite sure why this is, as I do have lots of girl friends whom I love.  But ultimately, when I'm with a mixed group of men and women, I end up talking to the dudes.  With some notable exceptions, I find myself chatting up Mr. A's friends instead of their wives (Hi Brian and Chelsea!  I like you both!).  I guess I'm weird.  But I promise, I'm really not THAT girl- you know the one:

"I hate girls!  They are such bitches!"

"Women are so catty!"

"Girls are so jealous!"

To quote a lovely (female) friend, girls who articulate that kind of crap tend to get those reactions from girls because they are catty effing bitches themselves.  

Anyway, this is a long winded way of saying I definitely do not generally have issues with men, at work or elsewhere.  But being a male dominated field, I still deal with my fair share of men who have issues with women, at work and possibly elsewhere.  And today was one of those days- long trial with a male co-counsel and male opposing counsel.  After an overextended conference regarding a jury charge, which I argued and ultimately lost (I will not get into my thoughts on that), I made a bit of a sarcastic (but jokey) comment to the judge regarding the matter.  The comment indicated that I was not pleased about what went down, but that ya know, I can deal.  He, having a general good tolerance for my typical banter, laughed.  

BUT THEN.  Opposing counsel, who I am not friendly with and do not even know at all, decided it was time to make the cat sound.  You know the one.  The "REEEEEEEEEEEEEER!"

Now, really.

The cat sound.

In open court.  

In front of judges and clients and court reporters.

And well, that is not okay.  And I indicated such.  

And what pissed me off more than the actually REER itself (I can handle that) was that I was somehow seen as extra feisty for not being accepting of that.  That my reaction to what occurred was somehow the topic of discussion and reaction by others and not ya know, that the REER incident happened.

And that's really all I have to say about that.  

Except for one other thing- I still won the trial.

So you just REER away, if that's the salve your wounds need.

Edited to add, and yes I've posted this before, doesn't this just make you want to get your Julia Sugarbaker on?

And well, this one is more apropos, but embed is disabled.

Four Years.

Scene:  Mr. A brings me my anniversary flowers....

Me:  Thanks Waxy!

Him:  You're welcome!

Me:  We've been married for like, ever.

Me: It's almost time for my second husband.  But there's no way he'll be as good as you.

Him:  Whatever.

Him:  The next husband will be half as good as me.  And the one after that a fourth.  And after that, the math shows it won't even be worth it.

Me:  Something to take under advisement.

Heart(s) of the Matter(s).

This weekend I did some home decor shopping (a post with update apartment pictures will be forthcoming as soon as I get this joint cleaned up).  As I said before, getting some home decor balls and making some decisions and purchases is one of my continuing personal challenges.  On Friday, Mr. A and I had our traditional post Happy Hour mexican food dinner, and as we often seem to do, we found ourselves having a "serious discussion" about "serious issues" towards the end of the dinner.  One of the things I brought up was this particular matter.

While my general indecisiveness is certainly a big part of the problem when it comes to making this place a home, that's not the only issue at hand.  The other part of the matter is my lack of comfort in spending money on these particular things.  As you all know, there are certain areas in my life in which I have no qualms about spending money.  I like clothes, I like fancy skincare, I like makeup.  But those things?  Come out of "my money."  I'm not sure if I've ever discussed this here, but they way our finances loosely work is this:

1) Mr. A makes his (much much larger) paycheck.  He pays the rent, the utilities, the big expenses related to the home.  He also pays for his own groceries, cell phone, car payment, insurance, lunches etc.  Anything personal to Mr. A is paid for out of his paycheck.

2) I have my (much much smaller) paycheck.  I pay all of my personal expenses, my student loan payments, my car, my insurance, my cell phone, my food, my entertainment expenses.  I also get an additional (small) amount from Mr. A, which usually comprises my fun money- eating out lunches, shopping, hair, brow waxes, Champagne Thursday, my tickets to the symphony, whatever I feel like doing with it.  It's a limited amount, and Mr. A knows how much money I make, so he has a general idea of how much I'm spending without knowing every little thing I spend my money on.

3)  Mr. A keeps me updated on what is in our savings accounts, his 401(k), Fidelity account, CDs, etc.  I also have a 401(k) at work.  We do not have joint checking accounts.

This system generally works for us on a day to day basis.  It allows both of us to have a general idea of what is going on in our financial world, without each person's individual expenditures being up for judgment by the other person.  It also allows me to feel somewhat financially independent, which is important to me.  My salary is less than 1/3 of his salary.  My being able to pay my own bills, I feel like I'm contributing, and am able to take care of myself in some regard. 

However, it is not without issues.  And one of the issues that raises itself not infrequently is in areas that are "our" expenses, but really only I care about.  This is true of vacations to some degree because my desires for what happens on those are much more expensive than Mr. A cares about.  But even he wants to go to the beach.  

But when it comes to home decor?  I know that's all me.  Mr. A is a simple dude.  If it were up to him, he'd probably merrily be living in a 600 square foot apartment with the same leather couch he bought 6 years ago. The only fancy thing in his apartment would be the tv and he'd have posters hanging on the wall.  He just doesn't care.  But I do.

This past year we've invested a lot of money in what I call Real Adult Furniture- and we've spent 5 figures on it.  Considering that we've been married for 4 years, I felt that it was time to upgrade all of that stuff, since we didn't do it when we got married.  And while I know that he wasn't necessarily comfortable with all of that spending, I think he understands that quality furniture is an investment and something that was inevitable.  But when it comes to home accessories and decor?  I feel like I'm entirely on my own.  A big part of the reason I haven't bought all of the little things to make our home more personal is because that money would come out of "his" account (which is really mine too) so I'd have to ask him for the money.  He'd say yes, don't get me wrong (within reason), but I don't like saying "Hey, can I have $300 for frames for our gallery wall!  WE REALLY NEED IT!"  For THREE YEARS!  THREE YEARS!  I had a gallery wall planned, and I even had frames, but it never got done because I didn't want to ask for $300 for shelving!

Now, Mr. A is a pretty frugal dude, and over the years, he has severely pissed me off with his reactions to spending requests on my part.  Not so much him saying "NO I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MONEY!" but more the faces he makes, the obvious discomfort he feels on spending money on things that he doesn't necessarily think are needed.  As a result, I suffer from PTSD.  The stress of talking to him about spending money?  It's not pretty for me.  As I've told Mr. A in the past, its disappointing for me that we can't spend more time fantasizing about things in our future like houses and trips because I know the first thing he thinks about isn't fun, it's how much is this going to cost. While his frugality is a needed counterpoint to my spending behavior, it does take some of the fun out of our financial relative fortune for me.  

There's another form of PTSD at work here as well.  My father and my mother.  My father was the sole provider in my household until I was 17 or 18.  He was first a farmer, and now works for an insurance company.  Both jobs involved long long hours, and were incredibly hard on him (not unlike my own husband) physically, mentally and financially.  My mom worked hard within her own right as a SAHM- she kept most everything running on her own because my dad was so busy.  But she also had, and currently has, an appetite for nice things.  Sometimes nice things that weren't always practical (wonder where I got it from?), and home decor was her primary vice for many years.  I think this related to her unhappiness about living in  the middle of nowhere for so long, but that's a whole other post.  For years, I watched my father wince as my mother decorated our home, and he also unwisely griped to me about her expenditures not infrequently.  So somewhere back in what is left of my 14 year old brain I think:

MAN + WOMAN + DECORATING = MAD HUSBAND.

So, we talked about it.  And we're working on it.  I'm going to try to be more practical, and he's going to try and indulge me in some future property fantasizing.

And we're buying a damn chair for our bedroom this weekend, Internet as my witness.

Do you have similar issues like this with your spouse?  Are certain types of expenditures for you as a couple that you feel similar guilt about?  Are there certain issues about money between your parents that pop up in your interactions with your spouse?

Stuff You Should Buy.

Mossimo Black Kat Faux Suede Booties, $29.99

I tried these on at Target today, but didn't buy them because I'm on BUDGET RESTRICTIONS right now.  But if I weren't, I totally would have purchased. They look WAY more expensive than they are and will be perfect with tights and dresses.

Old Navy Sliver Wedge Boots, $39.99

I DID buy these a couple of weeks ago, and I'm really impressed with them thus far.  The synthetic leather is thoroughly convincing, and after wearing them for a 12 hour day, they were still comfortable.  And they have plenty of room in the calf, whether you have larger calves, or if you just want to wear them with tucked in jeans.  I don't do totally flat boots and the little sliver wedge is the perfect in-between so you aren't feeling so flat footed.  

Benefit The Porefessional, $28.00

I ran out of my usual Dr. Feelgood a few weeks ago, and I spotted this and decided to give it a try.  I like it even better than Dr. Feelgood.  It makes your skin incredibly smooth, and allows your makeup to go on incredibly easily.  It also definitely helps prevent your skin from getting those afternoon oil slicks.

Boscia Luminizing Black Mask, $34.00

In case you've somehow missed the internet buzz on this, BUY IT.  It works.

Marc by Marc Jacobs Crossbody Bag, $198.00

I bought this bag a few years ago actually, but I've only recently come to appreciate its greatness.  I carried my passport, credit cards and essentials in it while traveling, which was really convenient.  I always carry a larger tote  with magazines, snacks and such, but it was nice to have those items immediately available without having to dig through a big bag.  I also carried it this weekend to a sporting event, and it easily fit my cell phone, camera, ID, credit cards and hand sanitizer (a must for the State Fair!).  

Voluspa Frost Pinecone Candle, $29.00

Smells JUST LIKE Christmas.  I love Voluspa candles (they're what makes Anthropologie smell so damn good).  The scent lasts even after you blow them out.  

LOFT Lounge Line

I'd buy every piece if I could.  

Remember That One Time....

I wrote about that whole comfort zone thing?

So I've been thinking about your suggestions, and what I want to do.  So here goes.  These are my plans:

1)  Host a dinner party.  I will probably start small and host a Champagne Thursday with MM and Kate.  But its  a start.  And I'm going to make a Sandra Lee inspired tablescape, as promised.  At some point, Mr. A and I need to have a party/get-together.  We've been getting lots of pressure from people who want to see the new place, so it will happen.

2)  I want to take tennis lessons.  But I have no idea where to find a tennis lesson place.  Anyone in Dallas with ideas?

3)  Raven suggested buy a cookbook and cook from it once a week-  A long time ago I bought a soup recipe deck, so I'm going to work with that.  It's perfect soup weather!  Starting this Sunday!  And yes, cooking once a week is a challenge for me.  

4)  Do something unexpected with my hair.  No, I'm not chopping it all off.  But color will be changing.

5)  Force myself to make decisions about decorating our bedroom.  This is a pretty lame excuse for "getting out of my comfort zone," but becoming stagnant on making where I live feel like a home is a really big problem for me.  I get paralyzed and can never come to any final conclusions, so this is actually pretty trying for me.  The wall will be painted.  Art will be purchased.  It's time.  I need to stop treating my residences like temporary places.  Home is where I'm living NOW.

6)  Someone suggested I do more "serious" writing.  I think this is an interesting idea, but I have no idea where to even start.  That sort of inspiration doesn't ever really come to me (I also DO NOT consider myself to be a writer- I'm a blogger and those two things are not the same.  They are also not mutually exclusive- don't get all offended BLAH BLAH BLAH).  

BLAH. I kind of feel like this is a glorified to do list and that this whole idea is kind of a BIG FAT FAIL.  I don't know.  I am still wanting for some kind of Big Change, but I can't come up with anything that I really want to do yet, and it is very frustrating.  I've been trying to think of things that I don't like about myself and try to change them, but I am such a creature of habit that I am having trouble with deciding what are things I can/should change, and things that are just a part of who I am.  The fact that I consider this list lame is probably more symptomatic of the fact that ANY kind of routine change is hard for me, and making little changes is a bigger deal for me than I care to admit.  But even thinking/writing about this is more progress than nothing, so there's that...

WOMP WOMP.

(Worst ending of a post ever.)

Updated!

Two more bags- Tory Burch and Ann Taylor Loft!

Blog Sale....

head on over- I'm selling a Marc by Marc Jacobs bag and a Kooba bag, among other things!