The second longest relationship I've ever been in is with my eyebrow lady. We're going on six years together, and every year I love her more. Not only is she a whiz at waxing, she is the most intentionally AND unintentionally hilarious person I know. I would love to just spend my day following her around, watching her interact with people. She is the queen of the non-sequitir, and I do believe it is utterly impossible to embarrass her. She is, in a word, amazing.
And so that you might love her as well, two anecdotes from Friday's appointment.
Before reading this one, it is important to note that my eyebrow lady is a bit of a hippie- vegetarian, likes to drive around on her bike, wears mostly vintagey/thrift shop clothing. So imagine my surprise when I learned she drives a Suburban.
Heather: So our new house has this little shed in the back. I keep all kinds of random gardening tools back there. I let the neighborhood kids come over sometimes I dig around in our yard with them. They love me.
Me: I'm sure.
Heather: The muffler fell off of my truck a few weeks ago. And now it makes this ridiculous sound everywhere I drive.
Me: That's unfortunate.
Heather: Yeah, I know everyone knows when I'm coming up the street. Bill (her husband) sits out on the patio and he's always like "Well, here comes Heather! I can hear her coming!" And then as I pull up, you can see the kids start to surround me Slynnro. They hear my car coming and they want to come play with the gardening tools. They literally walk beside my car as I pull into the driveway.
Me: I bet that can be annoying.
Heather: Slynnro. It's like I'm the fucking ice cream man!
Heather: Sometimes, I turn off the engine and just try to coast up my street so I can get there without making any noise. Ya know, sometimes I just need to come home and have some private time.
AND THEN.
Slynnro: COUGHING.
Heather: Sounds like your sick. Allergies?
Slynnro: Yeah.
Heather: You know what you need? You need to go down to the Farmer's Market and get yourself some zip code honey (allegedly good for allergies).
Slynnro: I don't know Heather. I live in uptown. I don't think they're are a lot of bees in uptown.
Heather: Oh, I'm sure there are. They are just really pretentious bees.
Slynnro: I bet they drive BEE M Ws.
And then we died laughing.
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