So I was reading this Miss Doxie post, and I was all "Hey! I have good texts too!" So I started looking for them. And then I got bored. But here's the best of what my short attention span allowed me to find. The best one is at the end. Worth getting to.
M: You want to bring me back to work?
S: Sure. But I'm only getting you to Woodall (a freeway in Dallas) and then tossing you out the window.
--I would buy tickets to watch your family watch Riverdance.
--I did acquire a bottle of prosseco. I was killing time at World Market, or as I call it THE LIQUOR STORE.
--I think the next dress code violation we need to test is some of those hair feathers.
"I was just trying to relate to the jury!"
--If you're feeling up to it, you could come to my office and make fun of my hair.
S: Como estas tu bebe?
J: Muy Bien. I put up new pics on Facebook like all the other gay parents.
S: Are you alive?
J: Yeah, I got laryngitis and an ear infection so I decided to take the day off.
S: Beware of bobcats. They can sense when your defenses are down.
S: Remember that time I got dance-knapped by that Indian guy?
J: LOL.
S: YOU STOOD BY AND DID NOTHING.
J: It looked like you were enjoying it.
J: Where are you?
S: Home.
J: Boo
S: I had to pee and I didn't like my options. Also, this guy was hitting on me. (photo of said person)
J: Oh, that's not bad.
S: HE HAD DR SCHOLL'S INSOLES TATTOOED ON HIS BACK.
J: Smoking makes my lungs hurt.
S: I'm just trying to make my injectibles worthwhile.
S: Every goddamn morning I wake up to an iTunes receipt and I'm all WTF self, you spent $15 at 11 pm.
J: Did you buy Angel Eyes this weekend? Because this guy did.
S: Suggest that to me in 14 hours and 4 glasses of prosecco and I'm fucking on it.
S: Conversation overhead in building security line
Person A: Why you stumblin"
Person B: Because I'm drinkin'
Person A: You ain't drank that much.
Person B: Aw hell, I been drinkin' all day
(Text sent at 1:45 pm)
K: Shouldn't bike cops be skinny by default?
K: I just downloaded the best workout apps EVER!
S: This is very disjointed.
K: Well, the first thought was created when I was sitting behind 2 bike cops with massive love handles. The second one was after I sat down wondering what my love handles look like. Then I thought, well at least I'm doing something about them. Ergo, the text about the app...
S: I love this text.
S: If I ever do a Jager bomb in Frisco, put me out of my misery.
K: Duly noted.
S: HAHAH. OMFG THAT IS REALLY THE TRUTH.
B: Love the all caps realizations.
S: You know those electronic signs with the scrolling messages? Yeah, that's how my thoughts occur to me.
S: Jamming to Farmers Whisper.
S: HAHA CARELESS
K: I love Farmers Whisper. I'm never going to hoe crops again, guilty feeling got no produce.
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