Well, the bad news is that I am still a terrible blogger. The good news it that I've been spending a large chunk of time with two of the most ridiculous people on Earth- one of my best friends from college and his boyfriend, who are good for a non-stop stream of laughs.
Here are some of my favorite conversational snippets from this past weekend.
M: So, we finally went to the Drama Room last weekend. It was so boring! I don't guess they can afford to pay their strippers anymore. There was this drag show going on and like 5 people were watching. But they were doing it up like it was a crowd of 10,000.
S: Every drag queen has to start somewhere.
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M: So we go to this resort and I'm thinking, its a gay resort right? It's got to be nice right? WRONG. It's like the shittiest Days Inn Ever.
B: It used to be a Days Inn.
M: Bryan and Ryan ate at the restaurant, which is called Gushers. And the hostess was SMOKING when she seated them. Ya know, in the restaurant. Called Gushers. Meanwhile, we were meeting M&S in the bar called freaking Saddle Tramps.
(Relatedly, y'all should check out the Habana Inn- The Southwests Largest Gay Resort. In Oklahoma City.)
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B (a man): Okay, y'all. In case this situation gets out of control, I'm going to need to pack a weapon. But I'll be wearing jeggings. So I'm thinking a knife is the way to go, right?
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B: Oh, y'all should totally have Kevin make the cake for the party. I mean, he bought this cake champagne fountain, so he says he's really wanting to get more use of it since he finished the cake decorating class.
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M: I would totally dress up like a tranny one day.
S: You'd be the worst tranny ever. Like you'd ever put on a makeup.
M: No, I wouldn't put on makeup.
S: You can't be a tranny that way.
M: Yes, I can. And I'd do things like go to a men's gyms and do stretches.
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(VERY awkward teen walks by)
S: Oh, honey. Someone should tell him it gets better.
A: Not for that guy.
S: Yes it will!
A: Nah. He'll spend the rest of his life wearing tiger t-shirts and wondering about women.
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M: Ugh. I swear, every time he dresses in drag he gets an attitude. It's a serious relationship problem.
People have sent me tons of emails regarding the Tabata class I started attending back in January, and I've been meaning to address them for months. Well, today is that day dear readers!
For those of you who aren't familiar with the Tabata protocol, it's an interval training exercise which consists of 20 second intervals of high intensity exercise, followed by 10 seconds of rest. You do 8 sets of each exercise, making each Tabata last 4 minutes- so for each Tabata, you are working for little shy of 3 minutes and resting for about 1 minute.
It's intense.
The trainer for my class at Equinox (worth reiterating- best money I spend each month. If there is an Equinox near you, and you can swing it, JOIN. JOIN JOIN JOIN. I love this gym so very much- clean, great classes, great equipment, never a wait for a machine. It's just lovely.) switches up the class each week, but there are some primary exercises we do almost every class:
I personally LOVE the Step 360 and want one for my apartment for me to just jump around on because I think it is the funnest thing ever, although burpees are WAY EASIER on the Bosu.
In case you are lucky enough to not be familiar with Burpees- enjoy:
For the 360 burpees, you start out by jumping onto the 360, then jump off and continue the burpee like on the video, but you do your pushup with your hands on the 360, which forces you to use your core to keep you stabilized.
FUN.
Other exercises:
Using the 360, you start out with one foot on the 360, then jump over to the other side landing with the opposite foot on the 360. Over and over and over.
Medicine ball jumping jacks- pretty self explainatory- jumping jacks while holding a medicine ball (I used 6 lbs). When you jump out, you raise the ball overhead, when you jump back together, you lower the ball waist level.
Sitting on the 360, with legs elevated and do bicep curls with free weights. Lots of core work.
Lateral Sprints with Weighted Bar- This one really sucks. You start out holding a weighted bar in front of you- the bar has one end resting on the floor, you are holding the opposite end in your hand. You run laterally while lowering the bar to floor level (the bar should touch the floor, requiring you to squat). Then you run back the other direction, lowering the bar on the other side. I'm not sure if this makes sense. Here is an illustration.
The bar is long enough that it takes 3 steps to completely lower the bar to the ground, and you are sprinting while you do it. It sucks sucks sucks and I love it.
There is usually at least one Tabata that involves squats and lunges while holding a weighted bar or free weights.
Tricep pushups on the 360- you usually sit in front of the 360, with your arms behind you on the 360 and do pushups.
Jump Squats- Jump onto the 360 and land in a squat, jump off and land in a squat. BURNS. IT BURNS.
There is also usually one Tabata that focuses on abs.
Anyway, like I said, I LOVE THIS WORKOUT. I hate people who are all "I love working out, I just get such a high."
Well, I love TABATA. I get such a high.
I don't feel better about myself all week than I do during that 45 minute class and for about an hour afterward. I feel stronger than I ever have, my endurance is greater than its ever been (my regular cardio workouts are beyond easy now) and I think the class is just plain fun. It's the same people week after week, and we all have a "yep, we're doing this" bond. I used to hate group fitness, but now I really love it. Having people to compete with is so motivating.
And yes, I've lost a lot of weight and body is in better shape than it has ever been in my entire life.
I would love to answer any questions you guys might have about this workout. From what I can tell by searching online, it seems that a lot of Cross Fit gyms incorporate Tabata into their workouts if you are looking for a class.
The second longest relationship I've ever been in is with my eyebrow lady. We're going on six years together, and every year I love her more. Not only is she a whiz at waxing, she is the most intentionally AND unintentionally hilarious person I know. I would love to just spend my day following her around, watching her interact with people. She is the queen of the non-sequitir, and I do believe it is utterly impossible to embarrass her. She is, in a word, amazing.
And so that you might love her as well, two anecdotes from Friday's appointment.
Before reading this one, it is important to note that my eyebrow lady is a bit of a hippie- vegetarian, likes to drive around on her bike, wears mostly vintagey/thrift shop clothing. So imagine my surprise when I learned she drives a Suburban.
Heather: So our new house has this little shed in the back. I keep all kinds of random gardening tools back there. I let the neighborhood kids come over sometimes I dig around in our yard with them. They love me.
Me: I'm sure.
Heather: The muffler fell off of my truck a few weeks ago. And now it makes this ridiculous sound everywhere I drive.
Me: That's unfortunate.
Heather: Yeah, I know everyone knows when I'm coming up the street. Bill (her husband) sits out on the patio and he's always like "Well, here comes Heather! I can hear her coming!" And then as I pull up, you can see the kids start to surround me Slynnro. They hear my car coming and they want to come play with the gardening tools. They literally walk beside my car as I pull into the driveway.
Me: I bet that can be annoying.
Heather: Slynnro. It's like I'm the fucking ice cream man!
Heather: Sometimes, I turn off the engine and just try to coast up my street so I can get there without making any noise. Ya know, sometimes I just need to come home and have some private time.
AND THEN.
Slynnro: COUGHING.
Heather: Sounds like your sick. Allergies?
Slynnro: Yeah.
Heather: You know what you need? You need to go down to the Farmer's Market and get yourself some zip code honey (allegedly good for allergies).
Slynnro: I don't know Heather. I live in uptown. I don't think they're are a lot of bees in uptown.
Heather: Oh, I'm sure there are. They are just really pretentious bees.
I’ve had kind of a shitty week. Vacation is over. I got sick on my vacation, which is its own shitty concept. Then I actually had to endure being sick. Things have been off all week at work. And I just generally haven’t felt like myself lately.
This is especially sucky coming off of a period of a few weeks where I felt really good about a lot of things and was generally pretty happy.
Which got me to thinking about how its always a good week and a bad week for someone. I mean, duh, we all know that. But isn’t kind of strange sometimes? This week is the worst week in the history of your life, and for someone else, it’s amazing. And we are all walking right along side each other while all these divergent things are going on.
And even though we all know that, how often do we actually care? I know I’m guilty of being a bit of, well… a bit of ragey.
I was telling someone recently how often it amazes me that the people in my real life who know about this blog often don’t bother to read it. I find this shocking. Not because I consider myself to be so interesting, but because I consider everything about everyone to be interesting. I love observing strangers. I read the blogs of people I will never meet, and eat up every word. If someone I know is putting their words out there for me to read? I’m going to eat it all up. I love everything there is to know about someone, anyone, and yes, that means you. The world is just so damned interesting.
But what am I really doing with all this interest? Not enough really. I find people incredibly interesting, but if the end result of that isn’t being more empathetic then what is the purpose?
I was talking to this same person, who also is going through a rough patch, and he told me that he has been acting on impulses by doing the opposite of what he used to do, hoping to effect a positive change. And I think that’s something I’d like to try. Obviously not on every impulse, but on the ones that lead me to do something that affects someone else in a negative way? Yeah, that.
Tomorrow an exercise update post will be up, but I have a pressing need.
If you follow me on Twitter, or are my Facebook friend, you know that I recently watched Man Men Seasons 1-4 Marathon Style. Joan Holloway may have even had something to do with my recent red hair transformation.
Me and K in Los Angeles
(doesn't she have the best hair?)
Seen better here. And yes, it wasn't red enough the first time. So I dyed it twice.
But Mad Men and all its glory? It's OVER. I finished. Of course, I plan on rewatching the entire thing because this show is brilliant at foreshadowing and I want to pick up what I missed, but I do have to find something new to entertain myself. As I type, I'm downloading season one of Breaking Bad. I've already seen it, but it was a while ago and I want to revisit.
What else must I marathon watch? I'm looking for something to obsess over. TELL ME KIDS!
